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How soon can you start talking to children about molestation and abuse to warn them about potential dangers? |
Travel Info I've never heard anyone deal with this issue in Egypt, even though it is a top priority in other countries. My daughter is four an a half and I don't want to scare her or tell her stuff that would confuse her. However, now that she's going to school I want her to know that no one shoud touch her inappropriately. I just don't know what to tell her and how to say it. I don't think I'm being overprotective with all the horrible things happening nowadays. So please help with any suggestions. Travel Tips Yes, i totally agree with you, preparing our childern and giving them the knoweldge they need to face any harm that might come there way in life is essential. I mean there are a lot of bad things and situations in life and the only way to help yr child is to prepare them for what might happen through simple facts they can easily understand. Now first of all childern at that age learn best through games and playing, that is how to introduce any though you want and they won't be scared or anxious about what u r trying to tell them. I actually started with my daughter when she was a bit younger around 2and half by teaching her that no means no. U know how people see a baby and immediately they say oh how cute give me a kiss, i taught her say no if u don't want to and never ever kiss on the lips (coz that is yucky) we would laugh and act it out. After that, i tried to teach her why we cover up and her private places and telling her that it is sooooo wrong for people (man or woman) to see/touch/tickle any of those parts and if they do, it would not make us feel nice. (Try to emphazie that coz predators usually use tickling or hugging, or sitting them on their laps). Lastly try to make her feel stronger through role acting like if someone wants to force (kisses,hugs,peeking or even touching) she should shout no and push them or slap their hand. What is trully important for u to do is back her up , in case if any person either family or friends complain to u that she doesn't want to give them a kiss or a hug. (Make her know that is her right, don't be embaressed). Also, since she will be going to school soon try to teach her to take care of herself when going to the toilets or changing her uniform in school. My daughter is now 7 and beleive me i keep repeating these same things every now and then with more info each time as recently i taught her that God(SWT) ordered us not to stare (Kaff El Basarr). To sum it up don't underestimate yr child's intelligenc and don't make a big deal out of all this while talking to her and teach her one thing at a time. May God protect all our childeren. Others Teach your children the correct names for their anatomy. They need to know what their body parts are and where others are not allowed to touch. Also use words such as "ok" and "not ok" as opposed to good and bad touching because molesters will say that it is "good" touching. I believe the most important thing is always being close to your child. Talk to them alot and keep the lines of communication wide open. This is the best defense against many of the challenges and dangers that life brings to a child. When your daughter can open up to you and tell you anything, that's the best thing you can do. Certainly don't tell her things that may destroy her innocence - but let her know that you will believe whatever she tells you and will not make her feel bad for saying certain things. One big mistake many parents of abused children do is ignore their child when they tell them that something bad or inappropriate happened. Always believe your child and let them know you take them seriously. Somehow we have to protect our children from the dangers without causing them to lose their childhood. It's tough. All the best! In general you need to sit down with her for a series of short talks, try to emphasize a different point in each talk but don't be afraid to repeat yourself. Children learn from repetition. Use simple terms, tell her that any area a bathing suit would cover is private and no one should touch her there. Tell her she can say no and show her that by your actions. If you tickle her and she asks you to stops then do so. If she sees that even her own parents have to listen she will feel empowered. Doctors do have to do examines - a good Dr. will talk the child through it and find out if the child wants mom or dad nearby. Make sure your daughter respects your and her mother's body. Gently point out to her if she gives a hug inappropriately and show her how she should do it. Refresh the lessons annually adding details as she is ready for them. She'll let you know when she's heard enough. Ok. I may sound a little strange here ,but please, do not talk to her about this stuff. The following is my point of view. You are free to agree or disagree ofcourse: 1- I disagree with your assumption that "no one deals with this issue in Egypt". The majority of Egyptian women do that. If not all. 2- I do not think that there is any way you will break this nicely to her. There is no way you will warn her and in the mean time , help her interact normally with the world. 3- **** may happen any way. Her knowing about it, is not going to protect her. Yes, there are advantages to telling her. But if it is going to happen, it is going to happen. All what you have to do is to pray for it not to happen. 4- I don't know. I am fully sympathizing with you as a mom. How about you try to inform her through a story " a carefully chosen one" . Or ...how about that: How about you teach her that it is un-hygenic to touch anyone including , and especially, grown-ups. I am not trying to be funny, I swear. But it is better for her to become obsessive about hygeine than to be obsessive about interacting with other people. This is my own point of view. Yet, I am not an expert. 5- I know that you are going to do this, I am only trying to remind you of it. Before sending her to school, make sure you pay visits. Ask about the school. Ask other parents. Meet the staff, especially the ones who are going to teach your daughter. Pay regular visits to her and make sure you meet the teachers every time you go. You do not have to come up with any excuse for meeting them. Just say "I am here to see how she is doing". If they find that awkward, then there must be something fishy going on. 6- Again, I understand your worry. We live in a horrible world. But, the main idea of the whole parenthood thing is that we always have to take the difficult way not the easy way. The easy way would be for you to tell her not to let anyone approach. This is going to be great. She will never let anyone touch her but she will grow up filled with complexies. The hard way is to do what I suggested. I know this will make you always live in constant fear. You will always ask yourself whether something happened or not. But that is what being a good parent is all about. There is a third way though. The third way is for you to be "subtle and implicit". It is by telling her , and not telling her. By choosing stories and examples. But you must be very very careful with the outcome of your story. Good Luck. |
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